How Do You Deal with Change?

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Change is all around us in big and small ways, and is always happening. Do you choose to change or do you wait until you are forced?

The change of seasons can be a breath of fresh air to some but a burden to others. I know many people love fall but for me it whispers that winter is coming. Cold weather is not my favorite. We can always look for the silver lining within the beautiful leaves and the warm sun even if it’s a cooler day and the kids getting back into a routine.

Relationships change as our kids grow up and seasons of life change. If we choose to embrace the changes and hope for a better tomorrow we will find ourselves happier and looking forward to what is next rather than living in fear of our future.

5 Ways to Deal with Difficult People

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Not long ago I was speaking to a group of franchise employees on how to stress less to boost sales and customer service. During the break a woman approached me and pulled me aside. She whispered, “What do you do when it’s the people around you who cause you stress and make you super cranky?”

If I had a nickel for every time someone asked me how to deal with difficult people, I would be a gazillionaire! I’ve shared tips about this on my podcast and talk about the spectrum of awesomeness (we’ve all been at both ends) on stage a lot because so often we fall victim to the cranky clerk, the high-demand client, the micromanager boss or the complaining co-worker. Add to that the negative people we deal with in our personal lives and we often risk stress simply by leaving the house every day to hang around other humans!

Here’s the thing though – you need to have a plan for dealing with difficult people – including what to do when YOU are the difficult person. There are many ways to approach it depending on the person, your relationship and your goals for what you want to happen with that person in the future, but here are some guidelines to help you make those Debbie and Donald Downers less draining of YOUR joy and energy.

  1. Know who sets you off. Take a scan of your network and mentally note who brings on that cloud of annoyance in you when you interact with them. Decide in advance of seeing them what you will do to counteract the stress it causes (like talking a walk before or after, taking deep breaths, etc) AND how you will deal with them in person. Will you kill them with kindness? Offer to help them? Try to flip the conversation to something positive? Compliment them to get them in a better mood? Difficult people require special handling and it may take some experimentation until you find what works for each one – and you.
  2. Talk to them about them. Everyone likes talking about themselves. When a negative person attacks, find ways to get them talking about something they love to get them into a better space. This won’t always work but give it a try.
  3. Stay your course. It’s easy to get sucked into drama, gossip or negativity when someone starts to unload on you. Know who you are and what mindset you want to maintain and never, ever let anyone else drag you down.
  4. Find support. When it feels like you’re surrounded by soul-sucking negativity, reach out to friends, family and co-workers who lift you up and energize you. If you struggle finding those people, consider attending networking events, joining clubs or trying new activities that put you in contact with new and more uplifting people. You could even invite the negative person along and get them in a better mood too!
  5. Distance yourself. When possible, stay away from the negative offenders in your life. Sometimes it’s impossible when it’s a family member, close friend or co-worker, but as much as you can try to separate yourself from anyone who sucks you dry.

SHARE WITH ME! How do you handle difficult people so they don’t drag you down?

Want more? Check out the FREE 15-Day Goal Getter Challenge to get unstuck, de-stress and go after your goals with support and accountability.

What Are You Waiting For? Take Inventory Today

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Frankly, what am I waiting for?  I’ve been asking myself this question a lot lately as I notice by ability to put things off that might be a bit risky for me. I stall. I ruminate. I worry that it won’t work. All sorts of thoughts and action that are counter to everything I’ve read in the books I promote or the ones I read to “improve performance”.

Here are three reasons why waiting on things that might benefit you is so common:
1. It’s never going to be good enough so don’t finish it.  I see authors take years to write a book and then finally ask for help from an editor or a publisher to move to the finished product. What’s wrong with the mindset of doing 85% and letting someone else make it better?  The amount of time and effort spent stalling would surely be made up if you brought in other people to help you complete the job.

2. No one will think what I have to say is very important.  Whether it’s a speech or a book or a blog post or a hand-written note to a customer if you reach just one person, you’ve made an impact.  Challenge yourself to start by writing 500 words and posting it on linked in and then see what kind of feedback you get.  Listen a bit more closely to what others find helpful about the time they spend with you.  That will give you a better sense of what resonates with others.

3. What if it fails?  So what if it fails.  What is the worst that happens?  Your speech you give is a total flop and no one claps?  Or you decide to write a book and the first editor you hire tells you it needs major work?  Or you can’t sell any of the product that you worked hard to create?  So you try again.  I enjoy sports and one of the biggest challenges is to learn how to talk to yourself to keep getting better through the loses and the challenges.  Promoting yourself or your business is no different.  Maybe your message didn’t come out right the first time or you gave a speech, but the introduction wasn’t very good.  These are all learning’s.

Enjoy the game and the adventure of putting your message out in the world.  You just might change another person’s life or inspire them to do something they thought they could never do.

One of the easiest ways to overcome your “waiting game” is to build a plan. With a plan you can see the sequencing of things so that you know what comes first, the content, the blog, the endorsements, the publisher, the marketing, the sales etc.

Make your plan today or let us help you Build Your Buzz at the Unleash Your Inner RockStar Event and through The Workbook!

10 Ways to Create an Energized Life

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Do you have a plan for how you want your life to unfold? Or are you living reactively to the non-stop busy-ness and stress of today’s world? These same questions should be asked of your co-workers and employees to ensure they are maximizing their productivity and engagement in the workplace by honoring their professional AND personal needs and goals.

The key is to take action on shifting around priorities in order to create the life you envision for yourself, your work team and your loved ones. You must ENERGIZE your life with the right activities, behaviors and goals. (You can get a jumpstart on this with my proven Life Map process that is part of the online Stress Turnaroundprogram or my second bestselling bookThe Happy Hour Effect.)

Here are some key questions to ask to get on track with creating an energized life. As you answer each one, think about a specific action step you can take to change areas of your life that are out of alignment with what you want. Use these questions with your employees to create an energized workplace too.

  1. Are you spending time doing things that drain you or make you feel resentful or stressed? Get it outta there. You’re only shortchanging yourself and you’ll inevitably give that activity or task less than your best.
  2. Do you build in time for yourself? Make YOU a priority – no excuses. If you aren’t your best self, you’ll be doing your family, work team and the world a major dis-service.
  3. Is there time each day to move? If you’re stuck at a desk, get your butt out of the chair every hour or so – and be sure to work vigorous exercise into your calendar. Our bodies aren’t designed to sit around all day.
  4. Do you prioritize sleep? Get to bed at a decent hour and aim for 6-8 hours. A tired body and brain leads to illness, poor decision-making and moodiness.
  5. Are you eating to fuel your busy life? If you run, run, run all day long, you must eat healthfully and not fill yourself up with junk.
  6. Do you make time for hobbies? It’s okay to do something simply because it’s fun or relaxing. Not everything needs to be a check on a to-do list.
  7. Are you making time to build relationships with your partner, kids, friends and co-workers? Each person in your life that you want to stay in your life in a positive way requires solid time, development of your shared needs and goals you can work on together.
  8. How is your financial state of affairs? Are you budgeting and sticking to a plan to feel secure? Everyone can benefit from a financial planner – even if you don’t have a lot of finances to manage right now. Get expert guidance and ditch money worries.
  9. Do you have a spiritual practice? No matter what your culture, religion or belief-system, it’s important to feel connected to the world, others and yourself. Make time to read, attend services, meditate or whatever brings you clarity.
  10. Is your job fulfilling and meaningful? You spend a lot of time working so be sure it’s a positive force in your life. Is your skillset and expertise in alignment with your job role? Does your work inspire and motivate you? What do you love to do at work and how could you do more of it?

This is a short list – and it’s still long! The most important thing when building a life that may be a little (or a lot) different from what you’re living now is to start small. Do one thing at a time and be open to experimentation.

SHARE WITH ME! What one thing can you shift RIGHT NOW?

Want more? Check out the FREE 15-Day Goal Getter Challenge to get unstuck, de-stress and go after your goals with support and accountability.

Leading with Emotional Intelligence “The X Factor”

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I wanted to be consistent and write a blog once a week to share my experience leading and competing in the world of athletics for almost 3 decades and now coaching C-Suite leaders and organizations. I haven’t done a great job as I have taken on a number of new clients, starting another new business venture (which is exciting) and I’m in the middle of authoring my first book. So my free time for writing has been focused on “The Book”.

I was asked to write my next blog on Leading With Emotional Intelligence. So here it goes.

There are four competencies to emotional intelligence. EQ is increasingly relevant to organizational development and developing people and teams. EQ principles provide a way to understand and assess people’s behaviors, interpersonal skills, leadership styles and potential. The way people lead years ago does not work in today’s environment and with the number of different generations in the work place, if you are leading the same way, I am sure you are struggling to be an influential leader.

Success requires more than where you went to college and all the titles and degrees you’ve obtained. There are many executives and professionals with a lot of letters behind their names and this does not make someone a great leader that others want to follow. We’ve all met people who are intellectually brilliant who are academically off the charts but yet are socially and inter-personally inept. Success does not automatic follow only knowing the standard theory and being book smart.

Emotional intelligence is the X Factor in each of us that sets leaders apart. To be successful it requires two primary competencies: personal competence and social competence. Personal is self awareness and self-management skills which focuses on you individually. Some key areas are self-confidence, emotional self-control and adaptability. Being able to be aware, control your emotions and manage your behaviors and tendencies sets you apart from the rest.

The two social competencies are focused on recognizing and understanding other people’s emotions and being able to manage relationships and managing the emotions of others.

By developing our emotional intelligence in these areas we can become more productive and successful leaders, helping others be more successful too. The process and results of emotional intelligence development contain skills to reduce stress for you and your organizations. Also being able to decrease conflict-improving relationships and creating continuity and harmony are developmental areas also.

Can you increase your emotional intelligence? Of course, we all can. If you can become more self-aware of your behaviors, train and practice intelligent behaviors, you will eventually get to the point where you will not have to think about good behavior.

Emotional intelligence takes a secure leader and one that wants to be the best. It will take learning more about themselves and changing behavior into new and effective from old and destructive. This is the X factor that separates the extraordinary leaders from all the others.

The Essence of Personal Power

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“Personal power is a source of influence a person has over his or her followers.”

In business, as in life, there’s nothing more permanent than change. These are times of speed and split second decisions in business. This level of change can be fearful – exhilarating to others. One thing for sure is the world operates bigger, faster and stronger.

Do you have the ability to get others to follow? Are you a leader who can inspire others and they will “jump in your boat?” Sharing your vision, being authentic, and credible – people will be drawn to YOU and your vision.

As a long time coach in athletics, executives are beginning to realize learning from successful coaches was not only intriguing, it is an incredible experience.

Coaches take a group of kids and get them to perform and excel in high pressure, hyper speed, and time constrained situations during competition. That’s what business is – speed, change, and decision making under pressure.

Pulling high performance from a team of employees brings about similar challenges and experiences, especially working in an environment where you are motivating different generations with a high percentage being millennials.  Employers are recruiting and trying to attract younger employees who are more experienced with a platform and bringing an incredible skill set to the table.

From decades of coaching, I focused on six core values with my teams and athletes that I currently use coaching executives. It comes from practical experience, it works and it’s an incredible experience for high-level leaders.

  1. Personal Power: Influence and success. As a leader, do you have the personal power to influence others? Who is jumping in your boat and following your vision and passion? Look around is anyone following?
  2. Achievement: What are your goals, results and accomplishments? How do you measure success? What are your “wins” daily, weekly, and in your life?
  3. Intimacy: Part of emotional intelligence is a leaders ability to develop and manage meaningful relationships. What is your communication style, openness and genuineness as a leader. How do you build trust with your board, staff, employees and customers?
  4. Play and CreativityInnovation and forward thinking. What gives you energy during the day? What is your workday like? How do you express yourself?
  5. Search for Meaning: What is your purpose and are you looking for more meaning in your life? What does a meaningful life look like? Clarify your values, align your strengths with values and come up with a vision and purpose.
  6. Compassion and Contribution: What will your legacy be and what mark will you leave in this world? Connect with people – their energy and passions.

As a leader you have a lot of talent that may not be quite as seasoned in the workplace. They have the skill set and a lot to contribute, but not a lot of experience. Successful leaders are always looking for ways to ensure they are being the right leader for their team.

Personal power is internal. It is what you have inside and what you can create with your own resources. It includes your social and emotional intelligence, your ability to communicate effectively and to reason. It’s also the ability to manage your emotions, of others and groups.

Personal Power is learned through experience and support. I challenge you, as a coach should, to choose two of the six core values and focus on taking these to the Next Level.

Pam Borton is CEO of Pam Borton Partners, a coaching and consulting firm based out of Minneapolis/St. Paul. She has an extensive background in the sports industry as a head basketball coach in major college athletics and has an advanced certification in personal and executive coaching. Always a coach, but also an entrepreneur, and business leader, she applies real life experiences, lessons learned in athletics with her teams and business with her clients and key stakeholders. Co-Founder of TeamWomenMN and Founder of LSWAG.

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From Zero to Sixty in One Network Connection

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In our world, we’re told to work hard and be proud of our accomplishments. And I agree. But amidst the countless career self-help articles and networking events, sometimes it’s easy to forget that other people in our lives have helped guide us to the path we’re on today.

Today marks my third year at a company I love (Versique). Let me share with you how I got here. I was recruited by my former boss (Spoleto Partners). I landed at Spoleto Partners by way of a network connection from my previous company (Olson). And I was introduced to Olson through a network connection I made through a professor at college (Northwestern University – St. Paul).

Each transition has brought me closer and closer to what I was looking for in a career – in terms of company culture, type of role, and skill-set I wanted to utilize and develop. I worked hard at each role, and learned more than I thought possible, but at the end of the day, it’s more than just my drive and skill-set that brought me to a career I love – it’s also the valuable connections in my life who selflessly networked on my behalf and encouraged me to follow my passions. It’s those who helped me get to where I am today – and where I will be in the future.

Take a moment to think about where you are today – in your career, amongst various networking groups, sitting on boards, in great friendships you’ve made along the way, etc.

Now think, who helped you establish those connections? What connections have you helped established for others?

Networking is so much more than a cliché term used in 99% of career articles. It’s a living, breathing verb that jumpstarts careers, inspires helpful turning points, and truly helps to guide our careers.

Today, on my third work anniversary for a great company I love, it’s amazing to look back and see how much my career has been impacted by people in my network – to see the growth around me, and the growth in my career since I graduated from college (2010), embarked on a journey to Olson (the great land of advertising agencies), took on an adventure to explore the recruiting industry (marketing for nimble start-ups), and then landed at where I am now (marketing for a strong consulting and executive search firm).

What does your story look like? Has your network helped jumpstart your career, or helped you make valuable decisions that led you to where you are today?

Let’s make today the day we say THANK YOU to those who’ve helped us. And let’s make tomorrow the day we decide to do the same for others – to have coffee with a recent grad, to make an introduction at a networking event, to recommend someone for an intriguing job opportunity.

Networking is what drives careers and brings amazing breakthrough when you’re stuck. Need somewhere to start? Reach out to someone you admire, or someone who has the career you want – just a few years ahead of you.

Here’s to beautiful years of networking – and to the hope that if you’re not in your dream job, it’s just a few network connections away!

How to Retain Top Talent

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I just returned from the 2015 WNBA Draft and my mind is on top talent – the best of the best or emerging leaders. I was surrounded by 12 professional athletes for a few days leading up to the draft and as the President of the league announced the names – dreams came true.

My former player, Amanda Zahui B, was drafted #2 overall and I was a proud coach and second mom.  What a great feeling being around individuals with top talent, physically and mentally. The way they think, speak and carry themselves is very unique. It’s the third draft over the past ten years I’ve attended. It was a reminder as a coach and consultant the similarities recruiting, developing, and retaining top talent in your organizations.

Retention of top talent is one of the hottest topics in corporate America and athletics. The number of transfers has sky rocketed. Is it the generation or are organizations lazy in hiring, recruiting, a lack of development, and are you leading the same way you were 10 years ago? Many times the individuals who should be taking responsibility are always pointing the finger at someone else. 

Relevant tips in retaining top talent in your organization or program: 

  1. The most important, surround yourself with smart and talented individuals. To do this, be secure in your own abilities and believe in yourself. It’s not about you; it’s the talent you surround yourself with. This is a must in order to experience success and to be the best. Many leaders are too insecure to hire people better and smarter on their teams. Insecure leaders surround themselves with “YES” people. What does your staff and team look like?
  2. Identify your needs and key positions. Identify needs, tendencies, strengths and skill sets needed on the team. Are you creating a new position or filling one? Many times leaders lose their jobs because they hire the wrong people.
  3. Recruit and hire people who fit your values. Communicate your values, expectations and vision before bringing them into your organization. Many times it’s the employers fault for making the wrong hire or not recruiting the perfect fit. The number of transfers and low retention rates – the work wasn’t done up front. Check your hiring practices and strategies.
  4. When you hire or recruit top talent, continue recruiting them. What are you doing to retain your top talent? Here are proven best practices to keep your best: Listen, engage, include them on projects, hold them accountable, provide instant feedback, allow flexibility, value their contributions, provide coaching and training, and it must be a healthy culture.

91% of millennials expect to stay in a job for less than three 3 years. What can you do to change this? Embrace this generation, if you don’t, you don’t get it. If you find yourself frustrated managing or leading millennials, you are part of the problem. Embrace them and you’ll learn from their unique skill set.

Hire and recruit the right people for your organization. If you see a lot of turnover in your organization, most likely it’s the employer’s fault. Slow down, recruit the right people, respect them and their talents, build relationships, and have fun. If not, it will be very difficult to retain top talent and then you should take look in the mirror. 

We are only as good as the people we surround ourselves with. Being surrounded by top talent at the WNBA Draft reminded me of how athletics can teach lessons about how to take on tough business problems and prevail in retaining our top talent.

Pam Borton is CEO of Pam Borton Partners, a coaching and consulting firm based out of Minneapolis/St. Paul. She has an extensive background in the sports industry as a head basketball coach in major college athletics and an advanced certification in personal and executive coaching. She also co-founded a non-profit and owns two small businesses. Always a coach, but also an entrepreneur, and business leader, she applies real life experiences, lessons learned in sports coaching her teams and business with her clients and key stakeholders.

Motivating Across Generations

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We all have Traditionalists, Boomers, Generation X, and Millennials in our workplace. You’re lucky if you manage or lead these generations on a team. It’s a great opportunity to become an expert in motivating across generations. If you engage and motivate them all the same, you’re not taking into account they tend to be motivated by different things and styles. Read more

Instilling Confidence In Your People and Team

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I have written a lot about how important it is to build meaningful relationships and value your people. This is the secret to long-term employee (people) retention and loyalty, to strengthen your understanding of basic human behavior and emotional intelligence.

Instilling confidence, your employees and team will feel valued and powerful in what they bring to the team and organization. Pointing out one’s strength, complimenting an employee, creating a vision and hope for your organization and valuing their role seems simple.  Read more

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